Today I want to talk about mindset; specifically, that focused on mom guilt. Even if you don’t have kids, many women will feel guilty about balancing different aspects of their lives. Even if you’re a dog mom, cat mom, or it’s just you. Yet, we all strive to find balance and peace in our life without guilt.

I know I’m guilty of feeling the mom guilt on many occasions. Right now, it seems to be exceptionally high. I planned so many activities this summer, but we didn’t even do 10% of what was on my list. Now the kids are back in school, and I feel like a failure. I never even looked at my list I started in April of all the amazing things I wanted to do with them.

So what is mom guilt?

It’s when we try to make sure everything is just right for our kids, and we worry we aren’t getting it right. However, we often have unrealistic ideas of how our family/home life should be; we feel like we must do everything perfectly and be the perfect mom.

In reality, there is just no way we can live up to this expectation.

Mom guilt can also show up as feeling like you have to sacrifice everything for yourself so your kids can have what they need. But I’m here to say that you need to take care of yourself so you can actually show up as the best version of yourself for your family.

When we have this sense of mom guilt, it can be very limiting. It may make us feel stressed or have anxiety. We may feel selfish if we try to do anything for ourselves.

How to ease mom guilt and find balance in your life.

• Affirmations – repeat positive affirmations to yourself, such as “I am enough,” “I am a caring mother,” or “I am in control of my life.” Positive affirmations are so powerful because they can begin to change our negative self-talk into positive self-talk. Some affirmation cards are beautiful & inspiring, while others may give you a little chuckle.

• Practice some deep breathing techniques. One technique you can try is really simple. First, get comfortable and take a deep breath in while you feel your belly rise for a count of four. Next, hold your breath for a count of 7, then slowly release your breath for a count of 8, feeling your belly lower. Repeat 3 times or until you’re relaxed.

• Always look to learn from your experience and make it better. Have you ever heard the saying turning lemons into lemonade? Even when things are difficult, how can you learn from them?

• Truly believe you are enough and that you have exactly what you need right now for your situation.
• Gratitude – Writing in a gratitude journal at the end of each day or in the morning helps you to focus on what you have. Gratitude helps to ground you and bring thought to your present state. It can be as simple as being grateful for the pen that allows you to write in the journal. Gratitude journals can be fun or more elegant.

• Embrace the thought that it’s ok to be imperfect. If the dishes didn’t get done right after dinner, it’s ok. The important thing is that everyone was clothed, fed, had shelter over their head, and feel loved. Your children will value their connection to you more than anything else. The dishes will be there tomorrow. You don’t need to be the “perfect mom” that does everything you think you should be doing. Instead, be true to yourself and honor yourself by doing the things that are truly important to you.
• Be sure your actions align with your values. For example, if you value your family time, be sure you find time to fit it in. This may mean saying no to other things. This could also look like saying no to going to happy hour with co-workers. 

• Ask for help when you need it. This concept seems so easy, yet for many women, it’s super difficult because it makes us feel like we aren’t being successful. I know I struggled with this for many years. I thought I needed to do everything and was the only one who could do things the right way. Let me tell you, I can’t do it all, and others can do it just as well as me or even better. However, I also have to be ok with it if it isn’t as good as I would. Done is better than perfect! Find your people who you can rely on to help you out. This could be your parents, spouse, friends, or even your kids.

What it all boils down to…

However, it all boils down to wanting to connect with your kids.
When you are connected to them and know what makes them feel good and what they are thinking, you don’t feel the stress or the worry about if you’re raising them right; you know you are. It’s not about the number of hours you have with them; it’s about the quality time you spend together.

When my husband used to work retail and was gone in the evenings, and most weekends, it was hard to make sure we were building a strong connection with the kids. However, we used some of the above strategies to ensure we built a strong bond with our kids. We firmly believed in putting our family first. We made our family a top priority when he was off work unless we chose to do something different. There were many things we had to say no to in order to make this happen. When we had family time, we limited screen time and tried to do things the entire family enjoyed. We were always grateful for the time we had together.

Don’t let mom guilt control your life.

It’s ok to feel some mom guilt occasionally; it’s totally normal. However, when you begin to feel it creeping in more and more, be sure to implement one of these strategies so you can show up as your best self for those you love.

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